i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize