You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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