It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
