My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
