Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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