but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
