Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
