I will die if light touches me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize