when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i love accidental penises.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
