my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
