I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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