when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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