i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
