PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
