if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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