i barfeds in our rink
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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