Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize