...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
