i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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