My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
