Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i think im in europe. pls send help
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
