he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
