It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
