I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
