I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Found your dick twin last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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