Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have tasted many bathrooms
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
