toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
