I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
