I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
