Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
