the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
