Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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