literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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