I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
