It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
NoShamevember. You game?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
