Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
