it hurts more in the daytime
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
