i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
