I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
