Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
