If that was your dad, he is hot
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
