don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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