More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
