So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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