I cut my penus on the lid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize