i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
