I puked a lego.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
