It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
