I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize