I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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