explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
