my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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