you would pick up someone in the library
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
