Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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