Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
