Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
