just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize