Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
be right there i have to get my cape
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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