i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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