Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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