2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
