and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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