he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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