you would pick up someone in the library
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize