So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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