My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
